The last "ONE"

Today marks the day that our "last one" turns "one".  I have been dreading this day since before he was born.  They day that I don't have a "baby".... I guess when they turn 1 they before a toddler?  I don't know, but I just know that he will become less and less dependent on me and that means he is growing up and leaving me for college and then getting married and moving away to his wives hometown.  Seriously though....while we were in the hospital after having him, my hormones were crazy and I was crying to Pete saying that he is growing up so fast and almost going to leave for college.  Pete laughed and reminded me that he was only 3 days old. Yes, I over react a lot.  I know this about myself.  I over react too much, but this I have seen happen.  My kids are giants now and grow up so fast!  So back to Davis.  He turned one today.  It was a beautiful October day...75 degrees and sunny.  We have a fun little breakfast and had his high chair decorated.  Then he napped, but while napping Pete took Georgia to the doctor ---strep.  I had strep on Jackson's birthday.  Then Jackson had strep right before my birthday.  Then Bennett had strep last week.  Ugh.    When Davis woke up we had lunch and then opened his gifts.  Our big boys gave Davis a bunch of Sesame Street stuffed animals and books.  We gave him a pirate ship that the boys had when they were little, but we gave away. Georgia needs to get his gift soon, but knows the exact thing she will get him and what store it is from.  The best thing was that when Davis went to nap again and G napped too since she was sick, my big boys (who are still so little at heart), played with the stuffed animals and ship and army guys.  They are the best.  I love that they are still innocent and play together with toys.  When Davis woke up, we head to a little zoo with farm animals.  He loved it.  His eyes were so wide when he saw these animals.  He was so excited.  He started this new little rocking back and forth thing when he is excited, it is so cute.  He did that when he saw some of the animals.  After the zoo, we went to the train restaurant that we have been going to for nine years!  It was a ride down memory lane and a new fresh start for our one year old.  He loved it!  He seriously loves the song "happy birthday"-- he does his new little happy dance when he hears it.  When we got home, I nursed hthe m to sleep.  He is just so sweet.  I love my one year old.
Today wasn't as hard as I expected.  Yesterday's anticipation for today was harder.  I realized that I am so blessed to be celebrating a fourth first birthday.  I am blessed for my 4 healthy children.  Davis turned one today and I am ready for this year.  I am so excited to see him grow and meet his milestones and just be with him and love him and just continue this wild ride of life with our amazing family.  Happy First Birthday, Davis!  I love you more than you will ever know!

364 days ago...

364 days ago was our last day as a family of five.  I took a picture with each of the kids, one with the hubs and then group shots...all with my amazingly huge belly!  Seriously...it was a belly that got a lot of comments. Comments such as "twins?" or from the worker at Chuck E Cheese "You are the biggest pregnant lady I have seen" or from a random at Costco "it must be a 10-pounder"....oh the comments.  Anyway, back to 364 days ago.  We knew we were having a boy.  We knew we were having another c-section.  We knew what it was like to have a newborn.  We knew so much about adding a baby to the family and how to take care of a baby, but we still felt like first-time parents.  It had been almost 4 years since we had Georgia and 6.5 years since we had a baby boy.  So we were giddy and nervous.  We didn't know who the baby was going to be, how he would act and the biggest question...who was he going to look like??  We were all just so anxious to meet him  So excited to have him join our family to make a family of six!  There was so much going through my mind that night.  I just remember having to wake up super early and shower and get to the hospital by 7am.  We have to leave before the kids left for school, but we got to say goodbye to them that morning.

Fast forward one year.....today is the day before my littlest baby boy turns one!  This last year flew by....seriously!  I am trying to remember it and his milestones, but with 3 other kids, it is tough to do.  Thank God for iPhones!  I have all my memories in that thing...except there was a period that my phone was full..so those pictures and videos are few.  Davison completed our family.  I remember after each of the other kids, I never felt that completion.  I just wanted another child.  Even after Georgia and everyones comment that "you got your girl"--I still didn't feel complete.  I remember wanting a girl..a sister for Georgia, but Davis is something else.  He is the sweetest, happiest, smiliest, mama lovin' baby boy.  I seriously can't get enough of him. The three older kids love him so much and still fight over his attention.  Georgia is his little mama and still is obsessed and going to "marry my baby brother."  Pete loves his littlest man so much too.  So much that he brings him into our bed every night.  It took a while to convince Pete for number 4 because he was so worried about me having another surgery, but he finally knew it would be safe and knows we have a wonderful family that would welcome another little baby.  Davis filled that missing place in my heart and in our family.  He is a wild one and definitely the most energetic of the kids at this age, but it is well worth it.  His cute little smile with the big space between his two front top teeth, his scrunched up nose when he smiles and super scrunched up face when he gets mad.  Everything about that kid to so darn cute.  And the best thing is that he loves his mama and give me the best kisses ever.

At bedtime tonight I was super teary.  Pete came in and we hugged Davis together.  He confirmed that it is emotional since it is the last day that we will ever have a child under one.  Just thinking about it right now is making me cry.  But I know that there is so much to be thankful for and so much to look forward to.  Last night Davis actually slept through the night in his crib...first time ever!!  But tonight...I kind of hope he wakes up so he has to sleep with us and we get to wake up with him in our bed tomorrow morning on his first birthday.
 

Memories of the World Series

As I sit here tonight watching the Cubs playing a sad game of baseball, I am remembering last year.  The excitement that Chicago felt because of our winning Cubbies.  Winning the World Series after 108 years....that was so exciting! That exciting time also brings me special memories of my family, especially Davis.

We took the three big kids to a Cubs game in September 2016 when I was super pregnant. The tickets were a surprise birthday gift for Jackson's 9th birthday.  He got to bring us all to the game.  IIt was SO hot and humid that day (I was a big swollen pregnant lady that I swear everyone at Wrigley was staring at) but it was so fun!  We got to see the Cubs play the year they won the World Series.  It was Bennett and Georgia's first Cubs game.  It was one of our final fun outings as a family of five.

Fast forward to October 22, the day after I had Davis, we were in the hospital and Game 6 against the Dodgers was on that night.  The hospital actually had the game on since so manyy patients requested it--and come on, it's the Chicago Cubs history.  Davis was still in the NICU during the game, but we would go and visit him throughout the game. There were no TVs in the NICU, so on the way back in the hallway, you would hear people cheering or a nurse would tell you the score.  It was such a way to connect with the nurses too.  Our day nurse was so excited for the game.  It was so fun talking with her the next day.  Game 6 was a late and exciting game and we had our new little man too!  It is such a fun memory.  Once we got home from our 5-day stay at the hospital, the World Series games had just started and we were so sleep deprived and I was still on pain pills, but we had to stay up and watch all those late night games with our newborn.  That last game of the series was so intense and awesome and memorable not only because the Cubs won after 108 years and we live in the suburbs of Chicago and grew up as a Cubs fan, but most memorable for me because I was holding my beautiful, healthy fourth baby in my arms while sitting next to the love of my life. 

Third times a charm....

Ok. So here we go.  My third time attempting to blog.  This time I need it.  I seriously need to start writing things down.  The time is flying and I don't know if I can handle how fast it is going.  I noticed my last attempt was when my hubs was out of town...and guess what, he is out of town again!  Maybe I like to hang out with him and chat too much rather than jot things down.  I do that...I hang out with him or the kids and don't ever do things for myself....but I really need to try for myself.  Who knows...but this time I am feeling so unorganized with life. Unorganized with my thoughts...not overwhelmed..just unorganized.  Like where to I start.  My life is like my gmail inbox...13,261 emails.  That is my life.  No time to clean it, no time to read it, no time to respond...but feeling the pressure that is needs to be done.  That is my life.  Am I making you anxious?  Am I disgusting you?  It is making me feel both...that is why I am doing something about it.  This blog is one of my starting points. If I write this down and it is out there...I have to do something about it.  I am held accountable.  If I show this to my friends or family or one day my kids, I need them to know that I can follow through and that I will.  And that sometimes my choices are because it is good for me.  I am learning that.  It is a learning process and this is where I start....so here goes nothing:

My last post was in 2014.  A lot has changed since then....I am no longer a mom to three..I am a mom to 4!!!  Family of 6...according to my parents and my husband, I always dreamed of 4 kids.  I could not get number 4 out of my head.  I talked about it so much.  I talked about it at dinner on my 35th birthday and I clearly remember my husband saying "well, that is not at all how I expected dinner to go"....and then right after my 37th birthday we had our 4th baby! I convinced him and the doctors said 4 c-sections will be fine.  So....my littlest man, Davison John, was born on October 21, 2016. We call him Davis or D.  He is going to be one in 3 days...holy shit.  In three days, my baby....the one that I was going to record every memory and write everything down for is going to be one in 3 days.  His baby book is still blank.  I didn't record his first tooth or when he crawled.  Life happened while all those milestones happened.  This is why I need to write this blog.  For me.  So I can remember these funny or fun or hard or happy or sentimental times.  So back to changes (1) Had another baby.  (2) Started working part-time (you'd think I would be more organized...but my part-time is only the "real job"..this "mom-thing" is the real deal....full time/24 hours a day---my brain never stops and the last huge thing that happened was (3) Sold our house/ moved into an apartment/ renovated a house/ moved into the renovated house ....there are so many more things that have happened...but those are the big ones.  So we have been busy!

My goal with this blog is to keep it real. I will write about now and what is happening with me, my kids and family, as well as writing about things that have happened in the past that I just don't want to forget.  I never wrote down things like my birth stories or memories of meeting my husband or memories from college or things that have changed me.  I just want to put it all out there.  It is important for me to be able to share these things and reflect on these things as I am further removed from the experiences and look at them through the eyes of a mom. I know I am going to like this journey...I hope you do too!

What to do....what to do?

So my love is out of town.  Skiing with his friends.  I am actually super happy about this.  He really needed it and deserves it.  Yup, it's true.  My husband is pretty awesome.  Most people that know him agree.  My friends actually give me a hard time if I give him a hard time.  I think some friends like him more than they like me.  That's how awesome he is.  So anyways.....he is out of town.  And now I have some me time.....ok, well me and the kids time....so technically kids time until their bedtime.  So I pictured a bath, a glass of wine, painting my nails and reading my book....nope.  First night was a work night, so I have no clue what I did.  Day 2...Once kids were in bed, I guiltily watched Parenthood - a show we watch together.  Then I shopped on-line and bought a hamper for the boys room and put a bunch of things in the cart for me, but bought nothing.  Finally ended up on Facebook.  FB is a drug.  Addictive. Really do I need to read an article about Being Mommy...I know what it is like.  Do I have to see what my friends friend commented about the picture.....NO!  But do I look, yes.....I gotta get off of that shit. So finally bedtime.  Ready to sleep. but  I was up what That's not what G had planned.  I was up what seemed like 500 times for poor little G.  Girl couldn't sleep.  Brought her too bed with and then she decided to jump and fall onto our new memory foam bed.  Laughing and having a ball. That's when I kicked her out.  She cried a bit more and then fell asleep.  I tried sleeping again, but B woke up because he was cold.  Kid can't put the blankets on himself?  Seriously.  So had to help with him.  And of course, J slept through it all.  My perfect sleeper.   Texted hubs to complain about kids...don't know why.  Later when talking to him, he told me that he had the same problems when I went away a month ago, but didn't tell me so I didn't worry while I was gone......proving his awesomeness.
Day 3.....Took kids too the St. Patrick's Day parade in the freezing cold.  They had fun....got lots of candy.  I had fun talking with my friend.  Came home for a late lunch of cereal.  Kids loved it. Then family nap time....all 3 kids slept and I couldn't fall asleep!  Instead of laundry or cleaning, I laid in bed.  Everyone woke up, we played a little, had a movie night and bed.  This was a fun night because I had two friends come over for wine.  It was super cute because the boys wanted to say hi.  They were being all shy.  I flashed back to my mom having her ladies over to play Bridge.  Man, those ladies seemed so old...now I am the old lady!  Of course B had to come to the stairs 3 or 4 times because he was scared, then cold, then couldn't get the blankets on him.  I bribed him with Dunkin' Donuts.  Please don't get out of bed, you can have donuts in the morning....his response "I don't want donuts, I want to eat healthy."  Seriously kid.  Ok, let's eat healthy then, but stay in bed!!!  Finally he did.   I got to drink my wine with my girls.  Love those girls.  Friend from middle school and her sister.  We had a blast just talking.  Never a fake moment with those ladies! They live so close, yet life gets in the way.  I need them in my life more often.  I will have deeper smile lines and stained teeth from the red wine, but my heart will be so full. That is what it is about. Friendship.  True friendship.  None of this surface crap. Bare bones. 
Ok...off to bed now...which probably means finishing my glass of wine and looking on FB and Instagram........and please children....sleep through the night....mama needs to get ready for Day 4 without the hubs.

Giving it a try....

So I tried to start a blog in December 2009.  I had one post.  Our family was changing from a family of 3 to a family of 4.....that was a lifetime ago.

Here it is March 2014.  I am attempting this blog-thing again.  We are no longer a family of 3, or a family of 4.....we are now a family of 5!  Things sure have changed in 4 years. 4 years of high school seemed like a lifetime.  4 years of college was a little blurry.  4 years with children flies by.

My last blog was called Our Balancing Act.  We are still juggling our life with our kids, sports, activities, date nights, family time and two working parents.  I am a forgetful hot mess.  I can't find my phone or my keys. My hands are so dry from doing the laundry and washing dishes.  I work a full day with kids to come home to my own kids. I can't speak in complete thoughts.  But....I love every bit of my crazy life.  My 3 kids (my littles) and my husband (my love) are my life.  I drink coffee to stay awake. I accept a messy, unorganized house. I get manicures during my lunch break.  I eat in the car. I try to dance with the kids for exercise or do squats when taking dishes out of the dishwasher.  I drink wine to stay sane.  It works.  We work.

This blog is going to a be my mini-journal.  I want to remember things.  I want to remember these feeling I have when I am with my young, funny family.  I want to have these stories to share with my littles when they are older. I am hoping I get past one post this time.